sex,(no)drugs,and rock and roll

okay that title isn't the most relevant since selling drugs can get you the death penalty here in this rule-laden country. But as for the sex and rock and roll, well that's another story.

Last night my couchsurfing host Genevieve and her friend Glenda and I went to a singles party at a fancy bar. Seriously, I felt like I was in Asian Murray Hill. Lots of well-dressed young people in their twenties and thirties milling about, drinking lychee martinis and stella, trying to meet people without actually trying, loud music, dark crowded room, lots of collared shirts. I made my way outside to the terrace where I met some amazingly cool women and some incredibly boring men. ("Hi, how are you? I just sold my company for sixty million dollars. Oh my name is Ashwin") I told everyone my name was Saia Phoenix, and I was possibly the only one without a job in IT, banking, or consulting (I guess for that matter I was the only one without a job, but we'll just brush that aside for now). I was feeling pretty out of place, but finally I met a group of guys, two British, one Chinese, that seemed to be making a good joke out of the whole party, and I ended up spending the rest of the night adventuring around with them. They called me the couch potato rich girl from the west village, and then they asked if I wanted to go to a "dodgier" bar, in their words. I was definitely up for leaving the fancy party for something a little grungier, so I agreed and off we went.

You could hear the rock music from down the street, which I took as a good sign. We made our way in as the band was starting "Dazed and Confused", one of my all time favorite Led Zeppelin songs, found a table, got some pitchers of beer, and started yelling and dancing. After a few minutes I excused myself to the bathroom, and walking through the bar, I noticed something I didn't realize when I first came in. Not only was I the only white woman there, but I was the only woman who wasn't working. There was literally a scantily clad Asian woman, or sometimes many women, (almost all Phillipino, I learned later) attached to each man in the bar. When I looked back at my table, two out of the three guys I was with had women in their laps. I rushed back to the table and asked my friend Nic what was going on. He laughed and told me that this was the G-rated version of what usually happens. It was really surreal to see- crowds of beautiful women surrounding really nerdy looking guys. It's what I imagine the sailor scenes during Vietnam were like, only instead of soldiars and sailors, it's now IT guys and bankers. Even though I'm a bit uncomfortable, Nic and I play a game. We both call a woman over and see who can get her. I win every time. At one point 5 women and I are dancing together in the middle of the floor. One of the women gives me her necklace amidst my protests, so I give her my bangles. We all smile and laugh a lot. It's really strange. Nic is thoroughly amused, and I'm just really confused, but might as well enjoy myself. I ask one of the women where she is from and she looks surprised and says "You're a good person". It's a lot to take in and after a while I need some air.

Nic and I head outside and sit on the sidewalk and talk American politics with some of the guys sitting outside. They want Obama to win, but don't think that he can. Nic asks me if I'm okay with all of this, and I just say that I don't know what to think. He goes off a little bit, and tells me that I can't judge what goes on in there. "These women are making a killing in there, Sara! They're making 30 bucks off a 40 buck cup of beer. They're sending all of that home to their families and their husbands. They're doing what they've got to do to get by! Who are you to judge? What are you doing? The world isn't just about backpacking and couchsurfing you know..." I know, I know that. And I know that what goes on in there is really no different than a strip joint or even Hooters back in the US. But something about it sits strangely with me. Maybe it's because I didn't expect to see this in Singapore. Or maybe since my mom talked about her conception of Laos and Vietnam from the sixties, and I felt a strange connection to that storied past. Maybe it's because the women were really smiley and laughing a lot. Maybe it's because it's a g-rated version of sex tourism that exists rampantly in SE Asia. I've always been someone who supported women who wanted to strip or dance or even prostitute themselves if it were their choice. Perhaps in this situation I'm judging that the women have less choices. Maybe that's a fair judgement. Nic said that the women aren't having sex for money, but they're using sex, that's for sure. But doesn't that happen all the time, everywhere? I guess I've just never been in a situation like this before. I've never been to a strip club back home. What was strangest I think is that the women here saw me as a client, putting their hands all over me, like I was one of the guys (until we started dancing and talking about jewelry, that is). I don't know why, but I don't think the women working back home would see me in the same way.

I also know that backpacking isn't everything.. In fact, I know that all too well, as my last few entries have shown the difficulties I've been having with the backpacking thing. Backpacking and traveling are pretty incredible, but I'm thinking more and more that it's a means to end, not an end unto itself. Backpacking just for backpacking feels kind of ridiculous. I'm learning way too much, and becoming so aware (to the point of driving me a bit nutty, but that's okay), that to not do anything with these experiences (even just writing about them helps) would seem just selfish. Awareness is good, but action is better. We'll see where this all goes... Thought I could get away from it all in Singapore, but looks like strange times abound everywhere.